Andrés & I are both “dog” people. Neither of us like cats… at all. Please don’t take that personally, we don’t hate your cat, we hate all cats equally. We are equal opportunity cat haters.

My hatred of cats stems from my aunt’s cats being fucking psychos when we visited her house. One would sneak up on the back of the couch & claw my ears when I was sitting down. Also, cat litter stinks. Also, the dander irritates me & half my family. Also, cats are kind of bitchy & I’m a shallow attention whore so being greeted by an ecstatic dog who thinks you shit rainbows every time you walk in the house feels pretty awesome.

We both like bigger dogs, mostly. Sometimes I think those little rat-dogs are cute, but Andrés thinks it’d be constantly underfoot & he’d crush its rib cage by accident. Fair enough. I don’t want to clean up exploded chihuahua, either. Also, its guts would probably look a lot like Taco Bell in a blender. No thanks. Don’t want my Cheesy Gordita Crunches ruined 4 lyfe. I have an affinity for terriers & hounds. This one reminds me of my stuffed animal, Scraps, that I got for my fourth birthday from my oldest sister, A.

We were thinking about Doberman Pinschers because they look like badasses. Manchester Terriers look just like them but come in the convenient sizes of medium & small. I’m against the ear cropping & tail docking of the puppies, but we would adopt from a pound, so it would probably already be done. I guess it’s analogues to buying a fur coat from a thrift store – our money wouldn’t be going towards the perpetrators, but to a good cause. I’m not so keen on the Dobermans/Manchesters anymore because I want a thicker, more beefy dog.

We also love American Pit Bull Terriers. There are two guys in Andrés’ building who have Pit Bulls – one is blue, the other has tiger stripes. They are beautiful & super friendly. We’re of the school of thought that you have to teach your dog that you are the leader of the pack so the dog takes cues from you. Any breed can get dangerous & unruly when it’s not properly disciplined. My parents have the bitchiest little terrier (that I call Willis) that thinks she rules everything & refuses to listen sometimes. She tries to fight dogs three times her size for no reason. Crazy bitch, that one.

We also love black labs & chocolate labs. Well, I love black labs & Andrés loves chocolate labs. I want only girl dogs because I had a boy dog try to get to third base with me when I was on the rag once. We aren’t getting a dog anytime soon & we still have to settle on a sex & breed. Oh yeah, & get a bigger a house.

Maybe I can get some rats in the mean time?


7 thoughts on “Pups

  1. Andres

    F@@@ NO!! :O
    eggregious grammar errors on this post!!! FOR SHAME!
    *pass out*

  2. Candy

    I’m going to come here and argue with everything you say :P
    Haha. I’m the opposite. I fucking hate dogs and am a crazy cat lady. I live with three dogs…three big ones (two pit bulls and one boxer mix) and ffff. They are always in my way, they bark at people on the street in the morning (they are trained well but one of them…his owner…ugg) and they are so derpy and the way they are always at the door, blocking it. FFF it is so annoying. I suppose it would be fine if they were smaller, or there were not three of them. DOesn’t mean I don’t still think the are cute and sometimes I give them freak out hugs. Also the one that barks also tries to eat my cat, so i hate him.

    BUT my cat waits at the door for me and thinks I shit rainbows and when I leave the room without him, he cries…just like a dog. Cats are not ALL sas and pretention.

    1. Andrés & Candice Post author

      those dogs sound annoying as hell.

      andres & i talk a lot about how our dog(s) will be well trained & not treated like humans. (as in… they don’t get people food, the don’t get on furniture, we don’t take them places because they’re “part of the family” unless it’s specifically requested)

      your cat sounds like the exception to most cats. also, crazy cat ladies are fine with me, as long as i don’t have to deal with the cat, & i get the crazy lady as my friend. :o)

  3. Candy

    BTW the pitbulls I live with are SUPER FUCKING SWEET, though. Like, other than them being in the way all the time and licking the backs of my knees and barking at people on the street, they are great. My grandma got all scared when I said I lived with two, but I am seriously am not intimidated by them in any way.

    1. Andrés & Candice Post author


      it’s weird to me that some people think ALL pit bulls are dangerous killers. mostly, when people think ALL of anything are just ONE way… they tend to annoy me.


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