Andrés & I are both “dog” people. Neither of us like cats… at all. Please don’t take that personally, we don’t hate your cat, we hate all cats equally. We are equal opportunity cat haters.
My hatred of cats stems from my aunt’s cats being fucking psychos when we visited her house. One would sneak up on the back of the couch & claw my ears when I was sitting down. Also, cat litter stinks. Also, the dander irritates me & half my family. Also, cats are kind of bitchy & I’m a shallow attention whore so being greeted by an ecstatic dog who thinks you shit rainbows every time you walk in the house feels pretty awesome.
We both like bigger dogs, mostly. Sometimes I think those little rat-dogs are cute, but Andrés thinks it’d be constantly underfoot & he’d crush its rib cage by accident. Fair enough. I don’t want to clean up exploded chihuahua, either. Also, its guts would probably look a lot like Taco Bell in a blender. No thanks. Don’t want my Cheesy Gordita Crunches ruined 4 lyfe. I have an affinity for terriers & hounds. This one reminds me of my stuffed animal, Scraps, that I got for my fourth birthday from my oldest sister, A.
We were thinking about Doberman Pinschers because they look like badasses. Manchester Terriers look just like them but come in the convenient sizes of medium & small. I’m against the ear cropping & tail docking of the puppies, but we would adopt from a pound, so it would probably already be done. I guess it’s analogues to buying a fur coat from a thrift store – our money wouldn’t be going towards the perpetrators, but to a good cause. I’m not so keen on the Dobermans/Manchesters anymore because I want a thicker, more beefy dog.
We also love American Pit Bull Terriers. There are two guys in Andrés’ building who have Pit Bulls – one is blue, the other has tiger stripes. They are beautiful & super friendly. We’re of the school of thought that you have to teach your dog that you are the leader of the pack so the dog takes cues from you. Any breed can get dangerous & unruly when it’s not properly disciplined. My parents have the bitchiest little terrier (that I call Willis) that thinks she rules everything & refuses to listen sometimes. She tries to fight dogs three times her size for no reason. Crazy bitch, that one.
We also love black labs & chocolate labs. Well, I love black labs & Andrés loves chocolate labs. I want only girl dogs because I had a boy dog try to get to third base with me when I was on the rag once. We aren’t getting a dog anytime soon & we still have to settle on a sex & breed. Oh yeah, & get a bigger a house.
Maybe I can get some rats in the mean time?